All That Is Desired
by Nick
Summary: Awaiting execution, Mr Morden reflects on the choices that led him there


New story for you...not sure about it myself but it was *begging* to be written so here it is. Set during 'the long night' so don't read it unless you've seen that far into season 4. Might be a bit difficult to understand if you've not read b5 book 7...

Disclaimer: none of the characters etc belong to me, I'm just borrowing 'em and will return them when I'm done. I'm not making any financial gain from writing this; it's just to keep me off the streets and out of trouble so don't sue me!

ALL THAT IS DESIRED 

The cell was only very small; maybe a couple of metres square with slimy walls that stretched up to a ceiling so dark with filth that it could not be seen from where Daniel stood, legs slightly apart, hands clasped together composedly, eyes shut, frowning with concentration as he tried to reach them...How much time had passed since he'd been brought here, kicking and screaming, shrieking out empty threats as panic hit him: he was alone now.

From time to time the loud click of a metal fastening snapping open signalled the presence of one of the palace guards checking on him. Cold curious eyes would peer at him and then, on meeting with equally cool eyes, quickly withdraw to safety, away from the sinister prisoner in the 'third- cell- from- the- end'. Then Daniel would close his eyes once more and return to his self-imposed task, that of finding *some* sign that all the ships on the island weren't truly gone. By now his search had become less about hoping to find a survivor and more about shutting out reality which chipped away at his mental armour with rhythmic insistence: chip chip...all alone now...chip chip...only you left...chip chip...no more Machine...chip chip. He resumed his meditations; one hand reaching up to clasp the jet- black stone that hung from around his neck...his one last Link to Them...

Click click- open- look- shut.

Satisfied that the prisoner hadn't disappeared in a puff of smoke or by some other means of sorcery, the guard signed the watch over to his colleague.

"Has he been standing there all this time?" hushed voices to keep him from hearing...

"Yes...Doesn't move, barely blinks...But would *you* sit down in there?" secretive sniggers as the first guard made to leave, shuffled footsteps as he changed his mind and returned to the second guard's side,

"Give him a few more hours, he'll soon lose his composure. After we're done with him he'll be crawling on the floor and screaming for mercy, I guarantee it."

"So is he being visited soon?"

"Mm, yes...the new Prime Minister is sending one of the best torturers in shortly, after we've had a little fun softening him up first... I'm going to fetch some of the others and change out of my new uniform- don't want to get it dirty...!" More stifled laughter as one set of footsteps retreated.

Click click, open.

A new pair of eyes appeared, disdainful, no fear there- this guard was cockier than his predecessor.

"Did you hear that, prisoner? Now you don't have your *friends* here to protect you..." Daniel said nothing and merely hardened his gaze.

Click click, shut.

The stone was warm in his fist now and absently one thumb stroked over Its smooth, gently curved surface: fighting memories, welcoming them, then chasing them away once more....

********************

"Daniel, what *is* this?" Carrie sat on the huge double bed in their Honeymoon suite, her dress settling in puffed up folds around her. Her Husband of six hours knelt before her, holding out a black glassy stone, inscribed on the back with strange lettering. They were both a little drunk and tired from their long day. Still baffled, she turned the stone over and over in her hand, which was now decorated with a simple gold Wedding band. Daniel rose carefully to his feet and walked over to pour them both a glass of champagne from the bottle that sat immersed in its ice bucket on the dresser. As he struggled with the cork he watched his Wife and laughed to himself, My wife... he thought...The words gave him goosebumps.

Later, as they lay in their bed, snuggled together under satin sheets and shared the last drop of champagne from one glass that they passed to one Another periodically, the conversation returned to the stone.

"It's an Anfran love stone." he explained, smiling sardonically, "The words on the back mean 'the love that abides no borders'."

"The love that abides no borders..." she repeated thoughtfully, staring into space briefly before returning her gaze to her husband. They both became serious for a moment, "It's quite a motto to live by." she murmured. In reply he took her hand and kissed it, then pulled her closer so that she could nuzzle up against his neck, "Think we'll manage it?" her voice 

seemed a million miles away as she stared up into his eyes from where she reclined. With a small start he pulled himself back to the present,

"Sorry, I just got a little *lost* there..." he grinned sheepishly and she let out an exasperated giggle,

"Oh Daniel, *when* is this love affair between you and my eyes going to end? I'm starting to feel jealous!"

"Never...!"

*************************

His grip on the stone tightened and a muscle spasmed in his jaw as he fought back the memory. He couldn't bear to think of it: all memories led suddenly and unavoidably to one simple fact, one stark reminder- he'd lost them both...That was four years ago now- Sarah would be ten now if she hadn't... Taking a sharp intake of breath he chased out of his mind her sunny expression as she waved goodbye to him that last time.

Click click, open.

A pair of familiar eyes- the guard. Then the louder sound of a large heavy bolt being drawn back and the cell door was opened to reveal a tall, thin Centauri male: skin so pale it almost glowed in the gloom of the tiny cell; eyes cool and almost black; thin lips set in a grim smirk.

"Good afternoon, Mr Morden. My name is Veten, I am a telepath. I am here for your 'secrets'." the smile widened into an almost predatory grin that revealed tiny, razor sharp teeth. Daniel did his best not to flinch: his associates had always been wary of telepaths and he had learnt to share their nervousness. The cell door clanked shut. "This must be the first time you've been alone in a very long time..." Veten rolled the words around in his mouth as he slowly circled the prisoner. Daniel didn't move, didn't bother to follow the taller mans progress with his eyes. "I can *smell* your fear!" Veten stopped to whisper behind him. "Have you anything to say before we begin? No? Then open your mind to me." Veten knew that his captive would never do that and he was looking forward to seeing this smug, self-satisfied man fall to his knees. "Very well...I should perhaps tell you, your associates were responsible for the death of many members of my family...I'm going to *enjoy* your suffering and do all I can to prolong it."

The telepath's eyes widened as a cascade of images, sounds, thoughts and emotions passed before them: A baseball game between nine year old Danny, his father and his paternal 

grandfather...

Oh but your *grandfather* collapsed shortly after and died...how terribly *upsetting* for you...

Graduation day- proud parents clapping and cheering...

So proud...first in the family to make it to university...

The first glance across a crowded kitchen at a friends party...auburn hair and blue eyes...a hesitant smile back from their owner, a girl later introduced as "Stuart's flatmate… Carrie...studying music...plays piano..."

Love at first sight, how *human*

Nervously waiting at the altar in a new pressed morning suit and shoes that pinched; repeatedly asking Jack, "Are you sure you've got the rings?"

You didn't think she'd go through with it...

Pacing up and down in the poky bathroom of their first home together as Carrie sat glaring at the pregnancy test kit in her hand, willing it to give the answer they wanted...

Wasn't planned then...tut tut.

First words...First steps...Sarah flicking food at her daddy...

They're *so* sweet at that age...

Five year old Sarah waving from the conveyor belt that took her to the transport, her bright red winter coat making her visible from further and further away...

The last time you saw her...how *sad*

...Darkness advancing toward him as he sat slumped and injured on the floor of a cave, the hand of a light haired woman in his own as they tried to resist the blackness, which stretched its claws out into his mind..."All that is desired...you will have...serve us and all will be yours... What do you *want* Daniel Morden...?"

"Make it stop...Stop the memories...Give me *back* my wife and daughter..." Daniel screamed it outloud now in the cell, just as he had four years ago on Z'ha'Dum 

The telpath stood back, a contented smirk on his face. He stared down at Daniel who was by now crouched in the corner of the room, sobbing and snivelling like a small child.

"So *that's* what you wanted Mr Morden...that's what they gave you in return for your service.." he turned on his heel and left Daniel to cry, alone, in the dark.

Click click, shut.

***********************

The room was drenched in early morning sunlight and the bed was luxuriously soft. The sound of music from a piano ended mid way through a familiar melody and footsteps approached. Delicate fingers brushed lovingly over his temples. Confused, his eyes flickered open and focused on Carrie's smiling face.

"I didn't think you were *ever* going to wake up..."

"I- I don't understand...the last thing I knew I was in the cave on Z'ha'Dum..." his jaw dropped as understanding dawned..."All that is desired..." he murmured...this room was the same as that in their apartment on Io. He staggered out of bed and wandered through every room, checking it was as he'd left it. 

Finally he reached Sarah's room: pale blue with a nursery rhyme freeze on one wall and a million million cuddly toys, all of whom had names, crammed onto the bed. The doll's house was open and most of its contents were littered around a little girl in denim dungarees and bunny rabbit slippers who knelt before it. Frustration adorned her pretty features as childish fingers struggled with the task of fitting a riding boot on her favourite doll.

A relieved sob caught in Daniel's throat as he watched her. She heard him and looked up,

"Daddy, I can't get her boot on. You do it." she demanded

"Sure, Smudge..." he found his voice and seated himself beside her. After a moment's hesitation...what if it wasn't *real*...He pulled her onto his lap to hold her close, "I can't believe it's really *you*..." he whispered into her hair, "I'm never going to let you go...whatever they want, I'll do it..."

He knew deep down that this *wasn't* real, but it was a highly effective make-believe that kept the nightmares and the loneliness at bay for four years...And so he pretended...

**********************

Daniel stayed, curled up against the wall, his suit now crumpled and grubby, for a long time...until he was disturbed by the sound of the cell door opening once more. They'd tortured him enough, he thought to himself. The pain of memory was more torturous than even the most inventive horror they could inflict on him physically. He didn't bother to resist as the four guards began to punch and kick him around the room.

Later, when they'd tired of their sport, they allowed entry to a small, dapper Centauri male who held a large black briefcase in delicate, precise hands and introduced himself as Ander, the pain technician.

"There is no information we require from you, Mr Morden." the man rummaged around in his case as he spoke with a gentle, melodic voice, "I am simply here to torture you until the royal court has decided how to kill you...If they cannot decide, then I will torture you until you are dead!" Daniel forced himself into a sitting position, leaning back against the wall for support.

"I'm already dead." he managed a triumphant smile. Ander giggled suddenly,

"Oh, Mr. Morden, that is what they *all* say...You'll soon think otherwise."

*********************

Prone on the cell floor, Daniel smiled weakly to himself as he thought of his four years service to what everyone referred to as the 'shadows'. He remembered the gentle whistle- clicking of their voices as they spoke to him: feminine voices that tittered and teased, unconcerned about anything and asking constant questions- like small children, wanting his opinion, his advice, always asking 'why'?

He thought of their concern at his reaction to the killing of Kosh Naranek, 

"I know it was necessary but..." delicate limbs stroked his arm reassuringly and a fragile, insectoid head nuzzled against his shoulder, all-knowing eyes gazed into his own,

"Yesss...necessary...for the *dream*...We do not fear death as you...we die quickly, lives short...give yourself time, return to your wife and your child...you will be fine...."

The 'shadows' lives were so short that by now, the three individuals who had comforted him that time, had long since passed on, as had two subsequent generations. However, since the shadows procreated by means of cloning, it never felt like his new friends were truly dead.

"We can take your pain away..." they had whispered lovingly as they took another sample of his blood,

"Yes..." he closed his eyes and let their loving, almost parent-like presence envelop him.

***********************

"Get rid of him." Londo Mollari waved one arm drunkenly at the aide who came to inquire about the prisoner. Mollari paused for a second as an inspired idea occurred to him. "Get an executioner. Cut off his head, stick it on a pole for all to see: the *mighty* shadow agent! Ha ha!"

"As you wish Prime Minister." The aided bowed out, closing the doors softly behind him. Londo chuckled to himself and went on drinking.

Daniel's face was pathetic in its grateful happiness as the executioner motioned to the guards to lift him to his knees and hold him fast. Everything he'd known and loved was gone. Perhaps it was waiting for him on the other side. For a moment he fancied he could hear the words of his wife, Daniel's face was pathetic in its grateful happiness as the executioner motioned to the guards to lift him to his knees and hold him fast. 

Everything he'd known and loved was gone. Perhaps it was waiting for him on the other side. For a moment he fancied he could hear the words of his wife, "The love that abides no borders.." then those of his shadowy companions calling to him, "All that is desired..."

The executioner raised the sword high above his head with both hands and Daniel smiled up as the blade swung down toward him,

"Thank-you..."

************************

"Evacuation almost complete." The Drakh commander bowed deeply to his superior, "Just the clones of the humans left..."

"Bring them. We may find a use for them. Our masters obviously had some purpose in mind when they created them..."

"As you wish." Another reverent bow as the inferior Drakh backed away to take up position at one end of the six foot long tank that contained the first of the clones- a male with dark brown curly hair and a genial face, handsome and innocent in sleep. The Drakh grunted as it struggled to push the liquid-filled tank toward the shuttle, which would take them away from 

ZhaDum, to safety elsewhere.

**************************

THE END


End file.
